Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)

A different way of understanding what happens inside us.

What is IFS?

Have you ever noticed that different sides of you can want completely different things?

A part of you wants to say no, but another part feels guilty.
A part of you knows you're good enough, but another part doesn't believe it.
A part of you wants closeness, while another part wants to pull away.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach developed by Dr Richard Schwartz that helps us make sense of these different sides of ourselves.

IFS suggests that rather than having one single way of thinking and feeling, our minds are naturally made up of different parts, or subpersonalities. These parts can have their own emotions, beliefs, fears and ways of responding.

You might recognise a part that overthinks, criticises, people-pleases or needs to get things right. Another part might become anxious, angry or overwhelmed. Another might want to shut down, avoid or escape what you're feeling.

Having parts doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. IFS sees this as a normal part of being human.

What becomes important is understanding why certain parts have taken on the roles they have — and what they may be trying to protect.

IFS starts from a simple idea: rather than fighting a reaction, we get curious about it.

If a part of you is constantly people-pleasing, for example, we wouldn't only focus on helping you say no. We might also become curious about why saying no feels so difficult.

What does that part think might happen?

Maybe it fears conflict. Rejection. Disappointing someone. Being seen as selfish.

When we begin looking underneath the behaviour, it often starts to make much more sense.

The different roles our parts can take on

Dr Schwartz describes some common roles that parts can take within our internal system.

Managers try to prevent difficult feelings or experiences before they happen. They might do this through perfectionism, overthinking, people-pleasing, self-criticism, achievement or needing to stay in control.

Firefighters tend to step in once something painful has already been triggered. They want relief quickly, so they may push us towards distraction, avoidance, numbing, shutting down or other behaviours that help us escape what we're feeling.

Both are often trying to protect more vulnerable parts, known as Exiles. These parts may carry painful emotions and beliefs connected to earlier experiences — things like fear, shame, loneliness, rejection or “I'm not good enough.”

And then there is Self.

IFS proposes that underneath all of these different parts, we have a core Self with the capacity for qualities such as curiosity, compassion, calmness, clarity, confidence and connection.

Self isn't another part, and it isn't something you have to create or become. It's already there.

Sometimes, though, a part becomes so activated that it can feel as though it has completely taken over. IFS calls this blending.

Instead of being able to notice “a part of me feels like I'm not good enough,” it simply feels like:

“I'm not good enough.”

IFS helps us create some space between ourselves and these strong reactions so that we can become curious about them rather than being completely consumed by them.

As parts begin to feel heard and understood, they often don't need to work quite so hard. This can allow us to access and process the emotions, experiences and beliefs they've been protecting.

IFS refers to the process of releasing some of what a part has been carrying as unburdening.

The part doesn't disappear. It simply may no longer need to protect you in the same way.

How can IFS help?

You might come to therapy because you're anxious, overwhelmed, hard on yourself, struggling in relationships, repeating patterns you don't understand, or simply feeling that something isn't quite right.

IFS gives us a way to slow these experiences down and become curious about what's happening beneath them.

For example, you may notice that you become very anxious when someone is upset with you, but have no idea why. Rather than assuming you're “too sensitive” or simply trying to stop the anxiety, we can begin with the anxiety itself. What happens inside you? What does that part seem afraid of? What does it need you to know?

Sometimes this leads us to experiences or beliefs you already understand. Other times, we discover connections you hadn't recognised before.

And for people who do already have a lot of insight, IFS can help us go further. You may know exactly where a pattern comes from and still find that knowing hasn't changed how you feel or react. IFS allows us to work with the emotional experience underneath that understanding, rather than only talking about it.

Over time, parts that have been working hard to protect you can begin to feel safer and no longer need to respond quite so strongly. This can create more space between what you feel and how you respond — and more choice in how you relate to yourself, other people and the situations you find yourself in.